iphones, smart phones and generally dumb ideas

So, I’m still pretty excited about the iphone and I’d love to hear personal stories of use.

That being said, I was speaking with a client of mine the other day when the iphone came up. My client was saying that the iphone is not really a business person’s phone. His perspective was that if you can only access your contacts by last name, that’s pretty useless.

If you think about it, that makes a lot of sense: I know Clay w/ XYZ Corp and Phil with ABC inc but who’s Clay Smith or Phil Klein? The people at blackberry (RMI) understood this and made the search function within the contacts (address book) go through each text field for matches–so if you couldn’t remember the prospect’s name but did the company, wham-bam, there it is.

My client also mentioned that emails can only be accessed by refreshing the mail client. (is that the right way to describe it?) Blackberries are on auto-pilot. And if you’re expecting an important email and need to know when it hits your box, hitting refresh a thousand times like Marge in the Simpsons is going to be boring, excessive, and a down-right retarded use of time.
Another problem I have w/ PDA’s, smart phones, crack-berries, and iphones in general is portability. Maybe I’m just picky but I hate–and I mean HATE–having big, bulky things in my pockets. I don’t like the feeling (ask Adria!) of stuff cramping my legs or jabbing me in the butt when I sit down.woman phone bikini (Small stuff like my keys don’t even get noticed but the phone…that’s another story. I’m pretty sure I’ve crank-called 3443234323434234 and 1232#94* about a half-dozen times in the last month just because I sat on my phone).
What was the market solution to this problem?

Carrying cases.

phone carrying caseEeeeek, talk about making a problem worse. So now, instead of having a bulky thing in my pocket, I have to carry it around on my hip. Not only is this transference of the problem (not in my pockets but on my hip where I’m going to bump it into walls, corners, furniture, etc) but it’s an aggravation of the problem: Now everyone looks like a douche bag with their little fanny-phones (get it? not fanny-packs…echem…moving right along…). It’s almost as bad–but really not quite as bad–as the people walking around with blue-tooth receivers in their ears. That’s about the definition of a douche bag. bluetooth phone receiver(to all you douche bags out there: are you really getting so many calls that you can’t just ‘attach’ the blue tooth when you have an incoming call? or do you really think it makes you look cool/important? Don’t think that everyone isn’t noticing that you’re NOT on the phone 99% of the time…)

What’s more, I’m a total clutz; I drop everything. My phone has survived hell and has a scratched up display to prove it. I received my blackberry for free through various rebates but let’s just say I buy a 500 dollar iphone. What happens after a year goes by and I’ve dropped it a half-dozen times. Hell, will it even survive the first fall!?

My point is, we’re all geeked out over “new” technology (i.e. products for our fetishized purchasing habits) but as consumers our standards seem pretty low. I’m ready for something really innovative, like an implant on my wrist and in my ear that can be triggered by thought. Now that would be worth $500! 😉
Apple reminds me of a line in Zoolander: “Mugatu (Apple) is so hot right now he could wrap shit in tinfoil and sell them as earrings (innovations).”

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